If that was your dad, he is hot
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
