Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
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