i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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