i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
