every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
