i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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