i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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