Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
