i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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