I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
