i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize