i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
