I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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