My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
