i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize