we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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