My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
