I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
