My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
