69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
