You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize