I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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