I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
