he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
