threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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