The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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