So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
