I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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