I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
