friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
