I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
