we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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