Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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