Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
