Little spoons don't ask big questions
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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