he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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