Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
