I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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