wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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