They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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