I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
