...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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