Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize