What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize