I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
