If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
