She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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