We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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