i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
