just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
