You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
