Just fell off a train. Bad.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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