and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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