I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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