he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
