there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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