Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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