he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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