I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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