But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I checked into jail on foursquare
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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