I wanna bring you to show and tell
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
