whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
