And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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