Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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