just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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