Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
