You can't motorboat a personality
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
