my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
