Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
